!alias !savealias !leetappend %~/files/useraliases 10 !alias %s
!alias !reload !raw quit :reload
!alias !addlink !leetappend /var/www/sites/hacking/links.txt 10 %s (~%n @ %t)
!alias !more !tailunlock %~/files/cmd_out
!alias !shmore !tailunlock %~/files/sh_out
!alias !ping !say pong
!alias !ec !eval %~/scripts/evalcommand %s
!alias !lambda !ec echo -ne 'SegFault: alias !tmp %q\n!tmp\n'
!alias !pymath !c python -c 'import math;print(%q)'
!alias !reset !kill 9 -1
!alias !up !c uptime
!alias !randip !c perl -le '$,=".";print map int rand 256,1..4;' '%q'
!alias !jarg !c cat /service/gitd/jargon/jarg.txt | XuntilY '^:%q' '^:.' | tail -r | tail -n+2 | tail -r
!alias !jargcheck !c cat /service/gitd/jargon/jarg.txt | XuntilY '^:%q' "^:." | tail -r | tail -n+2 | tail -r | wc -l
!alias !topic !rc echo 'TOPIC %f :%q (set by %n at '"$(date -u "+%%b %%m %%R") UTC)"
!alias !pty !sh python -c 'import pty;pty.spawn("/usr/pkg/bin/bash")'
!alias !escape_sequences !c grep "//here" /root/services/segfault/segfault.c
!alias !irc !eval %~/scripts/ircrawcommand %s
!alias !ic !eval %~/scripts/irccommand %s
!alias !reeval !eval %~/files/useraliases

######### the todo shit #########
!alias !todo !c cat -n '/var/todo/%n.txt' | grep '%q' | shuffle -f-| head -n1 | tee '/var/todo/%n.current'
!alias !todo.add !leetappend /var/todo/%n.txt 10 "%s"
!alias !todo.claim !c ln '/var/todo/%q.txt' '/var/todo/%n.txt'
!alias !todo.get !c head -n '%q' '/var/todo/%n.txt' | tail -n1
!alias !todo.grep !c cat -n '/var/todo/%n.txt' | grep -i '%q'
!alias !todo.gopher !c echo "gopher://$(rdns "$(hop0 "%h")")/1/todo/"'%n'".txt"
!alias !todo.link !say http://hacking.allowed.org/todo/%n.txt
!alias !todo.list !c cat -n '/var/todo/%n.txt'
!alias !todo.length !c wc -l '/var/todo/%n.txt'
 There's a real tab right....  v-- there.
!alias !todo.n !todo.grep ^ *%s	
!alias !todo.rm !c rmln '%q' '/var/todo/%n.txt'
!alias !todo.who !c ls -i /var/todo | grep -v '\.current$' | sort | clump
!alias !todo.current !cat /var/todo/%n.current
!alias !todo.last !c nl '/var/todo/%n.txt' | tail -n1
!alias !todo.page !page todo&user=%n
########## the end of that shit #########

########## the useraliases shit #########
!alias !rmuseralias !c rmln '%q' %~/files/useraliases
!alias !useraliases !c cat -n %~/files/useraliases
!alias !duplicateuseraliases !c cut '-d ' -f2 %~/files/useraliases | uniq -d
!alias !grepuseraliases !c cat -n %~/files/useraliases | grep '%q'
!alias !useralias.rm !c rmln '%q' %~/files/useraliases
!alias !useralias.list !c cat -n %~/files/useraliases
!alias !useralias.dups !c cut '-d ' -f2 %~/files/useraliases | uniq -d
!alias !useralias.grep !c cat -n %~/files/useraliases | grep '%q'
########## the end of taht shit #########

!alias !tmplink !c echo '<meta http-equiv="refresh" content="0;url='$(echo '%q' | encode_html_entities)'">' > /var/www/sites/hacking/tmplink.html
!alias !links !c if [ '_%q' != '_' ];then grep -i '%q' /var/www/sites/hacking/links.txt | sed 's/^/</g;s/ /> /';else echo http://"$(rdns "$(hop0 '%h')")"/cgi-bin/links.cgi;fi
!alias !tits !say [  . | .  ]
!alias !geo !c whob '%q' | egrep "^Country:|^City"
!alias !dcc !rc p="$[45000 + ($RANDOM % 20000)]";echo -e 'privmsg %n :\x01DCC SEND '"$(basename '%q')" "$(dcchelper $(gethostbyname %h))" "$p" "$(wc -c '%q'|tr -s ' '|cut '-d ' -f2)\x01";ncat -l -p "$p" < '%q'
!alias !title !c title.sh '%q'
!alias !suicide !kill 9 %p
!alias !pingout !kill 17 %p
!alias !built-ins !c grep strncmp /root/services/segfault/segfault.c | grep '"' | grep msg | tail -n+1 | cut '-d"' -f2 | tr '\n' ' ' | tr -s ' '
!alias !help !say try: !builtins and !aliases
!alias !cinit !leettail 56%~/files/cmd_out
!alias !cat !leettail 28%s
!alias !^C !c 
!alias !pid !say %p
!alias !cloudflare !say cloudflare == cloudlog || cloudsniff || cloudinject
!alias !twit !c TTYtter -keyf=/home/segfault/.ttytterkey
!alias !help1 !say %%host %h %%user %u %%from %f %%nick %n
!alias !addtarget !leetappend /home/segfault/files/targets 10 %s
!alias !seen !say .seen %s
!alias !modehelp !c grep '^  %q' /usr/local/src/ngircd-21.1/doc/Modes.txt
!alias !F !pymath (%s)*(9.0/5.0)+32
!alias !C !pymath (%s-32)*(5.0/9.0)
!alias !howtome !c hop0 %h
!alias !twit !leetappend /home/segfault/files/twit_in 10 %s
!alias !perl !c perl -e '%q'
!alias !twit.follow !leetappend /home/segfault/files/twit_in 10 /follow %s
!alias !hardreset !eval /home/segfault/scripts/hardreset
!alias !C2F !pymath %s * 9 / 5 + 32
!alias !F2C !pymath (%s - 32) * 5 / 9
!alias !unbantor !c /home/mkz/ban_tor nevermind
!alias !bantor !c /home/mkz/ban_tor I am sure
!alias !subseg !eval /home/segfault/scripts/subseg %s
!alias !isup !c wget -q 'http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/%q' -O- | grep "just you" | cut '-d<' -f1
!alias !r !leetappend /service/segfault-link/a/files/log 10 %s
!alias !untail !leetuntail %f %s
!alias !tpb !c tpb.sh '%q'
!alias !ipgamescore !c cat /var/www/sites/hacking/iplog.txt |sort | uniq | grep -c ' user=%q$'
!alias !quit !hardreset
!alias !stop !hardreset
!alias !wtf !c /usr/games/wtf '%q'
!alias !stealnick !ec printf '!raw kill %q :my nick\n!nick %q\n'
!alias !killme !raw kill %n :%s
!alias !demorse !c echo '%q' | /usr/games/morse -d
!alias !enmorse !c /usr/games/morse -s '%q' | tr '\n' ' '
!alias !sayp !c lua /home/segfault/scripts/cowsay.lua %q
!alias !areacode !c grep '^%q' /usr/local/share/misc/areacodes || echo nothing found
!alias !tailpipe 24%s
!alias !fuck !raw kill %n :no. you can fuck %s
!alias !finger !c finger '%q'
!alias !dig !c dig +short '%q'
!alias !draw !c echo '%q' | turn2line | lineplot | grep "[^ ]"
!alias !polls !c head -n1 /var/polls/*/question
!alias !poll !c cat '/var/polls/%q/question'
!alias !results !c cat '/var/polls/%q/votes' | awk -F: '{print $2, $1}' | clump
!alias !vote !c /var/polls/vote '%n' '%q'
!alias !link.add !addlink '%q'
!alias !google !c printf "GET /search?q=$(printf '%q' | vis -h | sed 's/%%20/+/g')\r\nHost: www.google.com\r\n\r\n" | ncat -4 --ssl www.google.com 443 | tail -n+17 | tr '<' '\n' | grep "^a href=" | grep 'url?q=' | cut '-d"' -f2 | cut '-d?' -f2 | cut '-d&' -f1 | cut -d= -f2- | decode_html_entities | unvis -h
!alias !imfeelinglucky !c printf "GET /search?q=$(printf '%q' | vis -h | sed 's/%%20/+/g')\r\nHost: www.google.com\r\n\r\n" | ncat -4 --ssl www.google.com 443 | tail -n+17 | tr '<' '\n' | grep "^a href=" | grep 'url?q=' | cut '-d"' -f2 | cut '-d?' -f2 | cut '-d&' -f1 | cut -d= -f2- | decode_html_entities | head -n1 | unvis -h
!alias !link !c shuffle -f /var/www/sites/hacking/links.txt | head -n1
!alias !mibbit !c ipconvert $(echo $[0x%q] ) | grep quad
!alias !VERSION !rc printf "NOTICE %n :\x01VERSION SegFault:bleedy:unix\x01\n"
!alias !TIME !rc printf "NOTICE %n :\x01TIME :%%s\x01\n" "$(date)"
!alias !DCC !lambda !%s
!alias !dunno !c printf '_     _\n \\O_o/\n'
!alias !title !c wget --no-check-certificate -qO- '%q' | tr '>' '\n' | XuntilY "<title" "</title"| sed 's/<.*$//' | grep '[^ \t]' | decode_html_entities
!alias !upc !c wget -qO- http://www.upcdatabase.com/item/$(echo '%q' | tr -cd '0123456789') | grep Description | cut -d\> -f7 | cut -d\< -f1
!alias !you !c /home/segfault/chat/chat.sh you '%q'
!alias !cccode !c grep '^%q' /usr/local/share/misc/countrycallcodes
!alias !whatis !c whatis '%q'
!alias !links.dicks !c sed 's/.*(~//' /var/www/sites/hacking/links.txt | sort | uniq -c
!alias !coffee !say I'm not your fuckin' slave! I don't even have hands!
!alias !btc-usd !c wget -qO- https://blockchain.info/ticker | jq '.USD["last"]'
!alias !page !say http://hacking.allowed.org/cgi-bin/pageview.cgi?page=%s
!alias !ohshit !linelimit 1
!alias !dnsflush !c /home/segfault/programs/dnsflush
!alias !kitteh !cat /anarchy/ascii-art/kitteh
!alias !ssyahoo !c wget -qO- "http://ff.search.yahoo.com/gossip?output=fxjson&command=$(printf '%%s' '%q' | vis -h)" | jq .[1][0]
!alias !319 !c printf '%%s' '%q' | cut -d: -f3- | tr ' ' '\n' | sort > /home/segfault/tmp/channels_%3
!alias !chandiff !c diff /home/segfault/tmp/channels_{%0,%1} | grep '^[<>]' | sort
!alias !unshorten !c unshorten.sh '%q'
!alias !chandunno !rc printf "PRIVMSG %s :_     _\nPRIVMSG %s : \\O_o/\n"
!alias !DATE !rc printf 'notice %f :\x01DATE %%s\x01\n' "$(date)"
!alias !title_noua !c wget --user-agent="" -qO- '%q' | tr '>' '\n' | XuntilY "<title" "</title" | sed 's/<.*$//' | grep '[^ \t]' | decode_html_entities
!alias !hextohost !c gethostbyname $(runlib libc.so htonl i$(echo $[0x%s]) . libc.so printf s'%%i' r0)
!alias !tell !say try: @tell
!alias !tell !say try @tell
!alias !dec2hex !c printf "%%x\n" '%q'
!alias !me !say 
ACTION %s

!alias !ted !c /home/epoch/projects/markov/markov.sh %s | sed 's/ \([.!?]\)$/\1/'
!alias \o !say o/
!alias o/ !say \o
!alias !date !c TZ=%s date
!alias dunno !dunno
!alias !yesno !c (exit $[$RANDOM %% 2]) && echo yes || echo no
!alias should !yesno
!alias !urbdict !c urbdict.sh '%q'
!alias !quote !raw %s
!alias !page !c echo 'http://'"$(rdns "$(hop0 "%h")")"'/cgi-bin/pageview.cgi?page=%q'
!alias !ctcpme !raw privmsg %n :%A%s%A
!alias !ctcpthem !raw privmsg %0 :%A%1%A
!alias ;TIME !raw privmsg #defualt :%s
!alias ;VERSION !raw privmsg #defualt :%s
!alias ;VERSION !raw privmsg #default :%s
!alias ;TIME !raw privmsg #default :%s
!alias !xory !c (exit $[$RANDOM %% 2]) && echo '%0' || echo '%2'
!alias !readtwit !c wget -qO- '%q' | tr '<' '\n' | XuntilY '^div class="js-tweet-text-container"' '/div' | sed "s/^[^>]*>//g" | tr -d '\n' | decode_html_entities
!alias !readtwit2 !c wget -qO- '%q' | tr '<' '\n' | awk '/^div class="js-tweet-text-container"/,/\/div/' | sed "s/^[^>]*>//g" | tr -d '\n' | decode_html_entities
!alias !checkcerts !c printf 'QUIT :derp\r\n' | openssl s_client -connect %s 2>&1 | openssl x509 -noout -subject -dates
!alias !ptythis !sh python -c 'import pty;pty.spawn("'%s'")'
!alias Who !say your mother.
!alias who !say your mother.
!alias !addnote !leetappend /var/www/sites/hacking/docs/writing/%n_notes.txt 10 %s
!alias \o/ !say Well fuck you mate
!alias !msg !c printf '%%s' "$(printf '%%s' '%q' | cut '-d ' -f2-)" > /anarchy/msg/"$(printf '%%s' '%q' | cut '-d ' -f1)"
!alias ;SEND !c ncat -i 10 $(gethostbyname %1) %2 > /anarchy/segfault_dccin/%0
!alias ;DCC lambda %s
!alias s !c cat /home/segfault/files/log | tac | tail -n+5 | sed -n 's/%sp' | head -n1
!alias !quest.rm !c rmln '%q' '/var/todo/quests.txt'
!alias !quest.add !leetappend /var/todo/quests.txt 10 "%s" (~%n)
!alias !quest !c cat -n '/var/todo/quests.txt' | shuffle -f- | head -n1 | tee '/var/todo/%n.current'
!alias which !c printf '%%s\n' '%q' | grep ': ' | cut -d: -f2- | sed "s/, or /,/g" | tr -d '?' | tr ',' '\n' | grep . | shuffle -f- | head -n1 | sed 's/^ *//g;s/ *$//g'
!alias !fight !raw kill %n :no fighting
!alias ;KICK !raw kill %n :weapons escalation!
!alias $toke !say whoops wrong channel xD
!alias !source !say git://armitage.hacking.allowed.org/segfault
!alias !sauce !source
!alias ping? !say pong?
!alias ping. !say pong.
!alias ping !say pong
!alias which: which : %s
!alias !listenbitch! !say it wasn't Obama's fault
!alias !Weather !c curl -s -q -4 'http://wttr.in/%q' | head -n 7
!alias !synop !c man -h '%q' 2>&- | perl -pe 's/.\x08//g'
!alias !topn !c top | head -n $[7+%0] | tail -n$[%0+1]
!alias !coffee !say o/
!alias !btc-balance !c wget -qO- https://blockchain.info/q/addressbalance/%s
!alias !btc-balance !ec echo '!satoshi2btc' "$(wget -qO- https://blockchain.info/q/addressbalance/%s)"
!alias !satoshi2btc !c printf '%%d.%%08d\n' "$(echo '%s' | rev | cut -b9- | rev)" "$(echo '%s' | rev | cut -b-8 | rev)"
!alias !localtime !date epoch
!alias !reddit !c curl -sA "Mozilla Firefux" 'https://www.reddit.com/r/%q/.rss' | tr '<' '\n' | XuntilY '^entry' '^/entry' 999 | XuntilY '^title' '^/title' 999 | tr '>' '\n' | grep -v '^title' | grep -v '^/title' | grep . | head -n 5 | decode_html_entities
!alias !magic-check lambda !say %%%%%0 = %%%s
!alias !python !c python -c '%q'
!alias !ted !c cd /home/epoch/projects/markov ; ./markov.sh
!alias !ted !c cd /home/epoch/projects/markov ; ./markov.sh | tac | tac
!alias !bots !me is a bot
!alias !cycle !rc printf 'PART %f\nJOIN %f'
!alias are !yesno
!alias is !yesno
!alias right? !xory right! or wrong!
 !alias sup? !c wget -qO- http://news.ycombinator.com/rss | xml sel -t -v '//item/title|//item/link' | head -n2
!alias !nowplaying !c wget -qO- http://radio.zempirians.com/current.php
!alias !dnsamp !c dig -t ANY '%q' | tail -n2 | cut -d: -f2-
!alias !dnsamp !c dig -t ANY '%q' | tail -n2 | cut -d: -f2- ; printf "%%s\n" '%q'
!alias !epochplaying !c cat /proc/$(pgrep mpg123)/cmdline | tr '\0' '\t' | cut -f2
!alias orly? ORLY.
 !alias ;QUIT !rc if [ '%q' = 'QUIT Ping timeout: 120 seconds' ];then echo "kline *!%u@%h 3600 :autoban for pingout. use other server or wait an hour.";else echo "PRIVMSG #default :*!%u@%h" for '%q';fi
!alias can !yesno
!alias how? !say fuck if I know. I'm just a bot.
!alias could !yesno
!alias !rr !rc mkdir -p /tmp/rr;cd /tmp/rr ; cat <(seq 1 6) <(ls /tmp/rr) | sort | uniq -u | shuffle -f- | head -n1 | tee /dev/stderr | xargs touch ; if [ -e /tmp/rr/6 ] ;then echo 'kill %n :you just painted the walls with your brains'; rm /tmp/rr/* ; else echo 'privmsg %f :wew' ; fi
!alias !lastdaysincelifedamngood !say 0
!alias !howmanyfucks !say 0
!alias howmany which : all, none, few, many, some?
!alias how !leetappend /home/segfault/files/eval 10 how%s
!alias !dicksize !c dicksize '%q'
!alias s !c cat /home/segfault/files/log | tac | tail -n+2 | sed -n 's/%sp' | head -n1
!alias Should !yesno
!alias does !yesno
!alias do !yesno
!alias orly? !yesno
!alias !myip !c dig +short ns2.allowed.org @ns1.afraid.org
!alias !temp !c envstat | tail -n1 | tr -s ' ' | cut '-d ' -f4 | cut -d. -f1
!alias echo $RANDOM
!alias !quest.grep !c grep -ni '%q' '/var/todo/quests.txt'
!alias what? !rc atrm $(atq | tail -n1 | tr -s ' ' | cut '-d ' -f5);echo 'echo '\''!raw kill %n :what?'\'' > /home/segfault/files/eval' | at +5minutes ; echo 'PRIVMSG %f :you have 5 minutes to get rid of that word.'
!alias !chain !leetappend /home/segfault/files/eval 10 %s
!alias keep_talking_shit !say is that a command?
!alias brb !c date +%%s > '/var/cache/segfault/brb/%n';echo "I will count the seconds until your return."
!alias back !c if [ -f '/var/cache/segfault/brb/%n' ];then echo "you were gone for" $[$(date +%%s) - $(cat '/var/cache/segfault/brb/%n')] "seconds";rm '/var/cache/segfault/brb/%n';fi
!alias i_love_SegFault !say <3
!alias i_love !chain i_love_%s
!alias i !chain i_%s
!alias was !yesno
!alias !whogone !c cd /var/cache/segfault/brb/; echo *

!alias $init !c /home/segfault/bin/xchg.init %n
!alias $list !c /home/segfault/bin/xchg.list %n
!alias $buy !c /home/segfault/bin/xchg.buy %n %s
!alias $sell $buy -%s
!alias $getprice !c wget -qO- 'https://min-api.cryptocompare.com/data/price?fsym=%0&tsyms=%1' | jq '.["%1"]' | xargs printf "1 %0 is worth %%s %1"

!alias keep_talking !chain keep_talking_%s
!alias keep !chain keep_%s
!alias hack !chain hack_%s
!alias did !yesno
!alias have !yesno
!alias beep !say boop
!alias boop !say beep
!alias !btc-usd !c curl -s https://blockchain.info/ticker | jq '.USD["last"]'
!alias !ted !c cd /home/epoch/projects/markov/ ; ./markov.sh sauce | tac
!alias !ug !c cd /home/epoch/projects/markov/ ; ./markov.sh sauce_underground | tac
!alias !markov !c cd /home/epoch/projects/markov/ ; ./markov.sh %s | tac
!alias hi !c printf "%s\n" '%q' | grep '%m' 2>&1 >/dev/null && echo "Hi."
!alias what_is !c grep -A1 '^'"$(printf "%s\n" '%q' | sed 's/\?$//')"'$' /home/segfault/files/what | sed -n 'n;p' | fold -s -w 300
!alias what !chain what_%s
!alias know !chain know_%s
!alias know_that !c printf '%%s\n' '%q' | sed -E 's/ is | are /\'$'\n''/' >> /home/segfault/files/what
!alias what_are what_is %s
!alias what's what_is %s
!alias $help !cat /home/segfault/bin/xchg.help
!alias $give !c /home/segfault/bin/xchg.give %n %s
!alias $price $getprice %s
!alias when which : soon, after a while, eventually, never, recently, a while ago, long time ago
!alias !vol !c mixerctl -w outputs.headphones%s
!alias !todo.last !c a='%q';nl '/var/todo/%n.txt' | tail -n${a:=1}
!alias !216 !raw gline %4
!alias !whoami !c echo %n@%h
!alias brb. brb
!alias fist !c cat /anarchy/ascii-art/epoch/hands/fist; echo 'HACK THE %q' | tr 'a-z' 'A-Z'
!alias hack_the fist %s